So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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