every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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