How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
