Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
