Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
