Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
