His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize