i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
