We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
