Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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