You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
