turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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