just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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