I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
