and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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