Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
