You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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