so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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