there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will be naked everywhere
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
