Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I currently don't understand fingers.
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