I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wear drunk well.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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