she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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