I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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