I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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