So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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