we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
