i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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