I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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