Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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