I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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