he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
