Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
