I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
