You're so nebulous sometimes
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
