just come out here and I will go home with you...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
