Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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