He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
