You're my little dorito
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize