I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
