Just cropdusted the office
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize