And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
