Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
