The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize