Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
