did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
