bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
