My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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