i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
