You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
