I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
