I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
