Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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