The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
