You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I deserve this hangover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize