I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
