guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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