Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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