New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize