I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
