you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize