I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
