used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
