I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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