I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
