That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
