it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
