Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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