i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
