Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize