I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
