he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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