I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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