So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
