I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
