smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found the puke drawer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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