Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
