did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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