question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
