It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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