Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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